Why do we have 3 kids ?



Lately it seems we find ourselves explaining so often why we have 3 kids.  People want to know our reason (s) because some are thinking of having more kids, but many of times, the question is asked out of sheer curiosity or nosiness :)

Our answer to having 3 children is that, because we want to.  How do we know we want 3 kids ?  We don't.  Simple as that.  I don't think there's a satisfying answer for it other than because we want more kids and we stopped at 3 because we feel 3 is good for us, we can't handle more.  I do want to give people advice on how do you know if you want kid or more kids, because I get asked that question so so often.  I just feel it in my heart.  Does that make sense to you ?

While pregnant, I asked a mom at the playground what it is like with 3 kids.  She said very loud but fun.  Her 3 girls get along very well.  Around the same time, I came across a blog about a mom with 3 and she was having a hell of time, in the not good way, and it freaked me out.  With answers on both end of spectrum it is obvious the answer to such question is very subjective.  Too many variables are at play here.  Who we are, who our kids are, where we are at in our life/career/relationship, and who are in our support system play major roles.  When deciding to have our 3rd child, we didn't make our decision based on other's experiences and opinions.  We wanted one more kid as we wanted a big family.  We both are in our late 30 so 3 is our cut off # :D  Having my mom available to help out is an added encouragement.  I think having 1 or 5 kids is manageable if all your ducks are somewhat in a row.  It's quite obvious, if there are money or marital issues, you won't try to bring a child into that picture.

The thought of having a child together make C and I both giddy with joy.  A life long collaborative work that we will be taking on together, we will both be parents. Children are so precious. It is an indescribable feeling mixed with joyful tears each time we welcome our child to the world.  Some people said we're crazy having our 3rd. I guess 0 or 1 or 2 is the norm so if you got 3 or more, people think you're crazy to have that many.  3 is actually quite manageable.  I think if you already have 2 kids, 3 is doable.  The transition between 1 to 2 kids is tough and once you managed that, you have the skills and experience for another.  I think the biggest challenge we faced now is working out the time to spend with each kid, as before our time was divided by 2 and now it's by 3.  But Bee makes it a little easy for us as she enjoys being on her own more, exploring lego and crafts and writing/drawing in her journal.  So back to the question, why 3 ?  No reason for 3.  We didn't set out to have 3 kids.  After our first baby, we would love to have another sibling for her.  We thought once we are long gone to be with Jesus, our children will have each other as family.  Then when we have 2 kids, we decided to have one more child.

Before having children, C and I did a lot of talking and discussing and evaluating.  If you are thinking of a 3rd child, talk, listen, and talk and talk and listen and listen to your husband or wife.  It's important to be on the same page as bringing a child into the world is a huge deal !

Having kid is a major decision, whether you're having your 1st or 3rd, you need to ask yourself some realistic questions.  Before having kids, we asked ourselves if we can provide a loving, safe, stable environment for our child to grow up in, if our marriage healthy, and how about our parenting style, do they match up ?  Then we need to think about our finance.  Can we feed and clothe and school another person ?

Being ready for a child is more than just `wanting`them.  I think it's good to ask ourselves some realistic questions.  Are you at a stable point in your life ?  Are you emotionally happy/content ?  Do you have time to care for another person ?  Do you have support ?  Are you financially stable ?  Having children is a life long commitment, much like marriage, it is for life. 

If your reason for having kids is because they bring you joy, I can assure you that you will be greatly disappointed :)  Not to say kids aren't fun but they also come with insane amount of work and at all stages of their life, they will drive you bonkers !  Kids will challenge you, push you past your limit, make you curse, make you do things you thought you will never do and they will change you !  My kids bring out the best and worst in me !!!

Once we have kids, then the hard work kicks in.  As parents we want them to grow up healthy and happy.  I believe a healthy marriage makes for a healthy family life and hence, healthy children.  Our relationship with our partner (good communication, share the same values, goals, committed in marriage, etc) play a very important role in growing a healthy family.  Healthy marriage here doesn't mean "perfect", healthy here means it's a growing relationship, where you choose to love each other over and over again, choose your family over all else.  We strongly believe having a healthy family will give our kids a stable life filled with love and security, a good foundation for them to built their life on.

Life with kids is a constant learning curve.  Our experience with our first baby was rough.  We were struggling navigating the world of "parenting", who gets to eat first, wake up first, who's turn is it to change diaper, hold baby, bathe baby, feed baby, put baby to sleep !  these are just a few of the million of chores we took on once we became MOM and DAD.

When baby #2 came along, we get to start all over again !  This time, this little baby girl came with different challenges as she's nothing like her sister !  We grew a little wiser and discovered more about ourselves.  We learned to do things at our own pace, at our own comfort level, and we could careless about what the "EXPERTS" said.  Those Experts do not have our kids :-)

Now our #3 is here, we thought we are pros at this mommy and daddy thing, but nope, it's new water we are treading :D  He's a boy so it's all new for us, as we have 2 girls before.  It's interesting seeing how each kid is so unique and different and has their own quirks.  They have different feeding habit, like different food, like different teething toys, etc !  Seriously, how it is that they like different teething toys ???  But they do !  Bee like plastic teething toys, Lovebug loves Sophie the rubber giraffe, and baby Peanut likes gnawing on a big piece of fruit.  C and I learned that as long as we stick together, we'll survive our kids :D  makes us closer too as some day we talk late into the night conspiring against the girls !  It's kinda US vs THEM at the moment.  Quite entertaining watching our kids trying to work on each of us !  Those buggers !  Love them so much !  Each of them is a colorful arc to the rainbow of our lives.  We wouldn't have it any other way.