Forever my baby

We almost made it !  It was so close.  6:30 ish, I was woken up by the feeling of wetness in my waist area.  I thought Peanut's diaper leaked so I reached over to check on him.  He's sleeping away on his waterproof sheet, all warm and dry.  I puzzled then turned to the other side of me.  My eyes rested on set of sorry sad eyes piercing into mine.  She's on the brink of tears.  Lovebug wet the bed.  I look down on the bed and the darkened area was huge, all around her, 1/4 of our queen bed.  I must have forgotten to ask her to go to the washroom before bed.  Another half an hour and we might have avoided this.  I think.  Maybe.  Lovebug's usually wake up at 7am and rush off to the washroom.  Not today.  She haven't wet the bed for a few months now.

Accident happened.  I moved Peanut over to dry land !  He nor his sheet are wet.  He happily sleeps away.  Lovebug whispered to me, "Pee go in toilet mommy.  I didn't mean to!".  I patted her arm reassuringly, "I know honey, I know.  It happened sometime.  Let's get you and me cleaned up" I said then bent down to pick her up and headed to the bathroom.  "Sorry mommy.  I didn't mean to!" she repeated.  She feels bad, that I know but also I feel uneasy that she's so apologetic.  I don't want her to be too hard on herself.  She's only 3.  I assured her it's completely ok and sometime I have accident too (not same like this :)  It's good to acknowledge our mistakes but we must also be kind to ourselves.

She asked me to change her after.  She usually likes to dress herself so I asked her "Are you sure ?  You like to pick your clothes".  "I like you to change me sometime mommy.  Can you pick for me please", she said with a happy grin.  I picked out another Pj for her and as we shuffle back into bed she asked, "can you hold me to sleep mommy?".  I was so sleepy, and holding here means rocking her back to sleep.  Lovebug has always been very independent.  She prefers to do everything on her own, or in her words "by self".  Whenever she asked me to dress her or feed her or hold her to sleep, I jumped at the chance.  Mind you, I try to force my motherly way on her sometime, like rocking her to sleep and she would tell me to please put her down so she can sleep.  At least I try :) some times she'll let me, some day she would ask me, and I am eager to complied.

I love to baby her.  I feel she grew up so fast and became so independent from me so young.  I still remember her refusing my breast at 10 months. She was ready to live off solid food.  I didn't have to wean her.  It's great but I also feel a loss.  A catch 20 for me.

This morning I get to change and rock this baby to sleep.  I feel great.  I like holding her in the quietness of morning.  Feeling her tiny hand in my hand.  I am tired and wanted to sleep some more but that can wait.  I get to hold this girl !  No matter how independent she is, how grown she is, how she's capable of many things, she is still my baby and forever my baby she will be.