mixed emotions

39 weeks : baby is about the size of a mini water melon
The last few days of pregnancy bring many joy (baby full term) and anxiety (when is baby coming ?) at the same time.  It will be the last time I'm with child so I'm trying to embrace this tender sweet moments we have together.  Remembering every kicks, hiccups and stretches.

As I do love being pregnant, knowing at anytime now I could meet my darling baby face to face bring on a bout of excitement and anxiousness.  The feeling is like the nervousness of a girl who is waiting for her turn to go on stage.  The butterflies, the wobbly legs, feeling like they will give out underneath me any moment, and praying earnestly that everything will go smoothly.  

Sleep eludes me these days.  I feel shortness of breath like never before and when I walk downstairs I feel pain on my bladder.  Talk about bladder, I've never been going #1 and also #2 so often for as long as I remember.  Too much info I know but I want to write this down so I remember.  Apparently it's my body ridding of all things in preparation for labor !  Hopefully baby will make the grand entrance this weekend.

I was thinking to myself how I forget a lot of details that linked to contractions and labor.  Maybe it's meant to be so women can keep the human race going.  For my sake, I wanted to write down what I remember about this pregnancy.  At each trimester/stage with this one, it feels like a light bulb lighted up in my head and I was like "oh I remember this with the previous 2 pregnancies" !  Let's see, at around month 3, the all-day nausea would start and it was a killer, especially when I'm still working.  I can't eat, has no appetite for food, and any food smell makes me gag.  My office is near the staff's lunch room so it was months and months of queasiness.  In addition to the nausea, with this pregnancy, I also have to deal with dizziness, hot flashes (from low blood pressure), and yucky metallic taste in my mouth all day.

Doctor prescribed me Diclectin twice a day to help manage the nausea but it only helped a bit.  Doctor said I can take more as needed but once I took 4 pills, I got so drowsy I had to lay down for most of the day.  So much for that !  As for prenatal vitamin, I couldn't take it daily due to the iron content, which makes me sick with a bad headache that I can't function.  I took it on the weekend only.  I was so worry it might affect the baby but my doctor told me it's OK, just make sure to eat varieties of food and drink milk and juices.  I had a lot of smoothie and meal replacement drink.  

At month 6 it gets a little better for me and I can finally eat.  I ate beef most days for iron and started to take prenatal vitamin every other day.  This is the best stage of pregnancy for me.   I can eat (yay) and life was almost normal again.  I was out and about a lot and did all the things I usually do.  It's also nesting time for me too so our house usually go through some changes.  With the first pregnancy, I made C re-painted our whole house, bought new furniture and sold our dining set without talking it over with him !  I must have been really whiny and annoying and probably weepy during this time for hubby to be so patience and understanding with me.  With the 2nd pregnancy, we got new sofa and rug.  With this 3rd one, I made C built a tree house facade for the girls' bunk bed !

Appearance wise, my tummy is the same shape like the previous 2 pregnancies !  I gained 35+ pounds, tummy is round and has a dark brown running straight from top to bottom.  Craving is the same for all 3, white baguette and chocolate.  I ate a lot of french baguette !!!  It's what kept me full most days !  I can eat the whole loaf with condense milk.

When month 9 comes around, food aversion would return and I found myself picking through my meals, eating a bit here and there.  I do drink a lot of milk though so maybe the fat in it is keeping me full.  Food is the last thing on my mind.  I find myself most days trying to remember what contraction feels like.  Was it pain from back to front ?  Strong tightening of the stomach ?  How did I recognized it with the previous 2 pregnancies ?  I have little memories of it :-(  I do remember that it it's a tight feeling in the back and the feeling of want to go #2.  There was no physical sign of it at all.  No bloody show, no lost of mucus plug, and no feeling of "lightening" (when baby descent into birth canal).  I have no idea how I know when to go to the hospital both time.  I guess when it happened then I will know.

As for labor, I remember Bee was fast and painful !  we went to the hospital at 11am and she was out before 3pm.  All the actions happened between 1 and 2 pm.  Contractions wasn't too long before I told the nurse "I'm have to push her out now" and before the doctor, Dr. Silverthorn, made his way into the room, the baby was already out.  I did remember the feeling of being burn down there, which I learned later on that it's call the ring of fire.  I was up holding precious Bee.  She was 6 lb 8 oz of love.  The nurse asked me to get up for a quick shower and next thing I know, I fainted.  Everything went dark and then when I opened my eyes, I saw a whole bunch of eyes were staring down on me and C's face (on the left side of me) was white like ghost.  Apparently I passed out for a good 15 min.

Lovebug was a long labor.  I went in at night, around 9pm.  I was 5cm dilated so they decided to keep me there.   For 21 hours I barely made it to 7cm.  Nothing was happening.  Hours on the bouncy ball did nothing to me.

Dr. Connie suggested we speed things up.  She hooked me up to oxytocin but it didnt work.  Then she broke my water, and still nothing.  No intense contraction.  I started to feel worry for baby.  So much water lost and still nothing ?  What's going on ?  Another doctor came in the room with an ultrasound machine.  She told me baby's head is still high up so she needs break my water again and this time she will be putting her hand in "there" to help guide the baby down into the birth canal.  Sounds all too scary for me but I didn't feel like I have much of a choice.  My baby isn't locking in so this is the only way.  

Once the water broke again (I'm surprised there's that much water in there) intense contraction started right away.   I remember looking at the second hand on the clock for breaks between the painful contractions, and after about 25 min. I was ready to push and shortly after that precious Love arrived. 7 lb 10 oz of love.

I hope this baby will be easy too.  I know no labor is without pain but I'm hoping for one with very little pain.  I heard stories of women who literally just cough them out.  I would love to have one like that.  I should start praying for such delivery !