I choose you

"I choose you"

3-words that made significant difference on my thinking pattern.  Pastor J shared last Sunday on the topic of godly marriage, it was such a great message.  What I walked away with ?  Our reasons and emotions aren't reliable vehicles to listen to as they waver.  It's our will that has the power to triumph over them both.  We need to WILL our self to choose our partner over and over again.

You can listen to the sermon here:  http://www.burnabyalliance.org/bac/servlet/admin?subdir=eng_resource1&action=sermon&year=2014&path=2014_sermon&root=eng_resource1

Marriage, whether christian or not, consists of 4 parts:  Commitment, Accommodation, Self-sacrifice and Forgiveness.

It was a great sermon, a great reminder for me, who's constantly busy with kids and when I'm free, (I reasoned) I need time for myself, for my own hobbies.  There's very little time left for my husband.  He's understanding about it, he knows we're in a limbo (newish baby),  BUT BUT BUT I don't want to use this as excuse.  Because I've been doing just that.  Instead of caring for C, instead of taking some chores off his hand, I choose to spend time with Candy Crush !  If it's once in a while it's ok, but I've been doing those a lot.  I don't even feel rested after my "me time" (cuz my brain activities were kept going at high speed).

I don't want to make THIS game-playing into a me-time HABIT for me.  It's not that Candy Crush is BAD, it's not, but because I play it excessively :(  that's when I turn something that's a good pass-time game into bad (like alcohol, little is good, excessive consumption leads to liver failure).  Anything in excess is not healthy.  I can't believe I'm addicted to a game.  Seriously ?  Who knew !

C has been great at always finding time for us to talk, to rest, to just be in each other's presence.   He took the ipad from me many of times and would say "you're mine now".   Stupid addictive Candy Crush !  a game that I not only need to score 3 stars but also need to beat my peers' score.  Argggh !  So my first order of "I choose you" for me was deleting Candy Crush.   I've disconnected it from facebook, which helps a lot.  I really need to let it go through.  Like completely delete it from all ipads.   I am not one easily addicted to anything so this was shocking to me when C pointed it out.  I've been in denial for a while.

There was a time when I was na├»ve enough to think that once you're married, you're secured, it's forever.  Then one by one, people are divorcing like hot cakes around me and that shattered my bubble pretty fast. OK, so we won't be separating over Candy Crush, and it's not THAT huge of an issue, but you see, it's just an example that little thing that go unnoticed can lead to big thing and that can change the course of everything.  We will all go through little stuff like this in our life journey, and it's important to take notice of the little things.  Because it's those little un-noticed things that added up to big thing and then we find ourselves going "what ? how did we get here ?".

Lately, I have not been playing much CC.  I still have some self-control :)  I feel like I've gained so much time back in my day.  I do have to make an effort to avoid it.  Oh how I pray and pray for strength and self control !   It's all about WILL power you know !  Don't reason or justify anything, you just DO IT.  We choose what we let in our life, if we picked garbage, we'll get garbage !  I've learned that we can not be certain, sure, of anything, but God, who's faithful and unchanging.  Everything else can shift and change.  EVERYTHING.  So we need to continue to work work work to keep the good things we have.

PJ likes to use the yard sample (green green vs dead grass), however for me, I like to think of my marriage like our back yard garden, because we spend a lot of time caring for it.  Our garden requires us to constantly tend it, nurture it, weed it, watch for new growth, watch for diseased plant (and quickly kill it before it can spread), protect the roots, watch for bugs, etc.  It needs ongoing care and attention.  Like our marriage, we continue to work at keeping it growing.  If we stop nurturing our marriage, it will slowly BUT SURELY look like this picture below:

It's depressing looking isn't it ?  This is what happened when we let any relationship go unkempt really, not just for marriage ! misunderstanding, frustration, regret, guilt, resentment, doubt, insecurity, and a host of other ugly stuff will move in.  Don't just sit around, let things go, and think "I'll tend to it later".  By then, it might be overwhelming and you're too tired and rather give up than trying.  OR say if you want to put in the work of reviving the relationship, what if it's too late ? what if the other already move on ?

Our house is getting a mini clean up/makeover this week.  It's only a few years old but my neighbor, June, told me once, always walk around your house, check into everything.  Even if it looks ok, have a good look at your house, inspect it, remember it, so when something is wrong, you can easily spot the fault.  She said you need to up keep it every year and fix what you need to fix.  Don't wait until everything stop working because then it will be a bigger and more expensive of a job.  Her words stayed with me.  This is our first house and I sure can learn from her.  Her house is a testament for her advice, it's 50 years old, and pristine inside and out.  The result of her constant care.

My relationship with C needs constant care.  Our garden is currently thriving and to keep it that way we need to be good garden tenders !  "I choose you" ... such beautiful words !

The peonies are starting to bloom in our garden