teammate

Pastor J was sharing about Godly Men in church yesterday.  A very insightful topic.  I wish he write a blog about it because he bought up so many interesting points about men and women.  During the sermon, I was reminded again that men are linear thinker and task oriented, while women are relational thinking and multi-tasker.  For a long while I was getting pretty annoying with my husband's inability to read my thoughts.  Seriously, how could he not know ?  He doesn't know because you didn't tell him, a little voice inside of me pointed out the obvious.  Blah.

So, a man wants a teammate.  Someone to play along side them, to support them and their goals.  This is indeed very true !  We've been married for more than 10 years now !  we tread difficult waters without knowing these little know facts (linear vs multi-tasker) the first few years.  If only we are aware of it like we are now, it would save us lots of headache and heartache.

My husband loves sharing his plans to me.  Even when I'm so sleepy, he would nudge me til I'm awake to share with me his personal goals, our financial plan, plans for our house, our garden, our kids, our next week, our next month, our summer goal, our winter goal, our church goals...I just thought C has something like A.D.D (attention deficit disorder) so he has to make plans to keep himself focused.  Who knew !

While having lunch, I was thinking about what makes a good team mate ?  am I a good teammate ?  I surely can't answer that so I asked C.  In his words "off course.  why would I marry you if you're not ?", "but what makes you think I would be a good teammate to you ?" I asked.  "You love God and you love people, so then I knew."  "That's it ?"   "That's all" he said.

Totally NOT what I was hoping to hear.  I was hoping for stuff like, your great sense of humor, fun, good personality, happy demeanor, secure, etc.....  Hmmmm......BUT even though his answer is short,  after giving it more thought, some how I get it.  I get it.  Mr C knew he wanted me to be his team mate because of my love for Jesus.  Because it secured a few important things for him (when I probe more at him later), common faith goals, marriage commitment, life goals and tithe.  What is important to C, is important to me, so that makes me a good team mate in his eyes.  However, that doesn't mean we will play well together.  All the other stuff helps us to make that decision !  you know stuff like we're attracted to each other, we talk, we date, we fight, we learn about each other, we learn to fight nice, we learn to love.

We were so different then, in our teens.  High school was stressful.  We were trying to figure ourselves out, learning about ourselves and trying to find ourselves.  But we made a commitment to stick together through our growing years.  We weren't the perfect person for the other when we first dated, but over the years, we can see God transforming both of us, little by little, into a perfect partner to each other.  We're not perfect in all aspects, but we've come a long way from the start.  This year marked our 21 years together !

We are still changing and growing.  And growth is good right ?  It take sometime to adjust and we will bicker over it ! Learning curve is never fun.

Talk about learning curve, 3 weeks ago, hubby was complaining to me about me !  about me not closing the cabinet doors.  He said, "you know it's not you I complain about right ?  it's your habit.  I'm only saying this because it bothered me and stressed me out.  And because you love me, can you please do something about it !"


This isn't the first time C asked me to close the cabinets.  I have the habit of leaving any cabinet door I opened open.  I DON'T KNOW WHY I don't close them.  Lazy ?  Forgetful ?  I don't know.  *sigh*  I open, I forget, I move on :(  I'm constantly multi-tasking !

Any who, usually i would just wave it off, thinking it's not big deal, he's just complaining for the heck of it.  Then I would end it by saying something in the line of "its my house too, I like to leave them like that".  It's kitchen cabinet doors for goodness sake !  they got nothing on us.  We're good. 

That's where I'm wrong < it's hard for me to even type that word, because I'm so often right :-)  But I shouldn't disregard my husband's comment.  He's telling me his feeling.  He's sharing how my carelessness (because I didn't think much of it) is causing him distress.  What seems trivial to me is NOT to him.  And I need to respect that. 

I can see that he is really stress at the sight of doors open when they're supposed to be closed.   OCD ?  maybe ?  but what's is important is, I should know, no, actually, I do know, I just choose to ignore.  C is Mr. Clean, Mr. Organize !  Sight of clutter stresses him out, I know that.  I like clutter.  I can be in a hoarder's house sipping tea and feeling just fine.  While C will die just at the sight !

I really didn't know opened doors annoyed him that much.  I know, it's because I never fully listen.  I heard him now.  I can't guarantee that I will always close the doors, but I decided that I will make the effort to close them.  If one do it many times it'll stick right ?  how many time does it take to train a habit again ?   Closed door = smiling happy C !  I can do this.

This is just one example of no matter how healthy you think relationship is, there's always room for improvement, room to grow .  Marriage is like a garden, it needs care and tendering. For me, the word "teammate" conjures up an image of 2 volleyball players playing along side with each other.  Each taking turn with the lead and assistant role, depending on their strength and weakness, we each cover for each other.  We communicate, we ask for help when needed.  Our plans and goals have to the same to win.  That's kind a how I pictured my marriage.  2 different players with common goals.  We're team mate and we got each other's back.

I must admit that C rubs off a lot of his "orderly" ways on me.  While I "inspire" him to wear slim jeans, colorful shirts, eat kale...While we are alike in many ways, we are still different in many ways too !  We don't lose ourselves in each other.  We each are unique individual.  We're not done "growing" yet though, as we are now parents of 2 lovely.but.crazy kids, there are many challenges ahead of us and it will test our patience with our kids and each other.  But we got God as the center of it all, and that common denominator will keep us together.

As God is shaping our heart, He also uses each of us to shape each other.  Go team Truong !