when is it good to talk to kid about birds and bees ?

I want Honeybee to know about the "birds and the bees" but not sure what age is appropriate.  I myself didn't know where baby come from until I was 15. !  I'm a bit of a late bloomer in that department and I so want to avoid that for my daughter.  I'm sure as you're reading this you're thinking how stupid can I be ? or laugh and wonder how the heck can I not know ?  thing is, if you don't know what you don't know and no one tells you, you will never know what you don't know.  Simple as that. 

My conservative, strict, asian family wants to ensure that I am not exposed to anything about "s e x" that they refrained me from participating in sex-ed class.  To them, topics related to "s e x" are considered shameful.  It's something to never ever be discussed about at home or anywhere else.   I did once ask my mom where I came from and she said, her armpit !  And it can only happen after you get married.  OK ! And I wasn't thinking about getting marry anytime soon so I never doubted her or inquire more about where baby came from.

The internet wasn't around then so I couldn't just google up a question and get thousands of sites responding with answers.  Majority of my friends were asian, we don't talk about "those stuff" ...come to think of it...they might be just as clueless as me !  So there I was, pretty much in my own bubble, venturing through high school, at lost on a lot of things.

Looking back at my teenage years, I am glad the Lord watched over me.  I'm quite glad my insecurities about myself and not knowing how to kiss prevented me from dating. If someone likes me, I make sure it's a phone "relationship".  And I usually end it within a week so we don't have to go on an alone date. I was terrify of one on one date. Hence I never been on one. Which was good ! Man, with my cluelessness and teenage boy hormones, I could be a teenage mom with a few kids already back then !!!!!!!!!! yikes !

Things are a lot different now.  We're pretty much living in an x-rated world !  The onscreen tv kisses that my mom used to make me shield my eyes from, are now child's play.  On top of tv shows stretching their limits, we now have access to everything at our finger tips.  Adult ads are EVERYWHERE on the net.  I can't keep Honeybee in a bubble even if I want to !!!  Kids are exposed to all sorts of things at such a young age.  I know I know, not everything is bad but surely one must have to do their diligent to filter through the bad to find the goods (tv shows, internet sites, apps, games, etc) 


As a parent, we just have to keep up with all the technology changes, have to keep watch over our kids at all time.  If we don't, no one is.  At times I wonder if it's even worth my time to talk about abstinence-until-marriage to Honeybee (which I will).  I believe in it strongly and hope she will at least hear me out and hear the reason for it.  Just because society say what is now the NORM doesn't mean it is.  Just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean we should participate.  People know about AIDS, about STD, about herpes, and about other sexually transmitted disease YET there are many still think 1 night stand with a stranger is completely OK and acceptable.  Condom isn't 100% !  ok, 99% "safe" most of the time, but you can be the 1% !!!  I know I sound like prude but I so long for my daughters to give themselves away to the right guy  :)

I am planning on getting some books on how to effectively talk to my Honeybee about sex.  I need to convey it to her in an honest and factual way.  My upbringing might cause me to either overshare or under-share, so a lot preparation is needed.  As of now, I found myself still not comfortable talking about the subject  :-S  yes, even at 33 !  Sad I know !

career and love interest

I was reading a column on the 24hours talking about "dating" your current job, bringing the romance back into it and I couldn't help but chuckle.  I started to think about it and realized there are many similarities in the beginning of your job search and love search.  First there's the attraction, then the "get to know" and last is the "dating" period, where we constantly evaluate and assess the situation to see if we've made the right choice, and if there's a future for you two.

Soon after the inital attraction, you will reach the "get to know" phrase.  Here is your chance to really get to know what you're getting yourself into !!!  ask a lot of questions.  If anything makes you feel uncomfortable or iffy, address it right away.  Show your interest but don't give too much away.  Desperation is a big turn off.  When hiring, I never consider those that over sells themselves and willing to do anything to get the job.  I know they're at a dead end and would take whatever come their way > and to me that means temporary and I am looking for long term commitment.  So even if you're at the end of your rope, don't show your desperation !  Know your value and your worth.  Never ever ever settle.  You'll be wasting your precious time and risk loosing out on the perfect opportunity when it comes your way.  All because you're not available to take it.

Easy goals aren't soul satisfying.  We tend to not treasure those achievements.  It's not the best way to go at it but for many of us, it's encoded in our brain.  My expensive shoes gets better care and treatment than my cheapy ones.  Reason for my behaviour is, I can replace the cheap one anytime !  they are a dime a dozen.  Same goes for career and relationship, I think if we can easy get both, we would take them for granted, and chances are, we can easily leave them too.  Set your standards and don't take anything less.  Don't jump at the first job offer that comes your way. Take time to think it over.  If you're interested in someone then you got to put effort in getting to know them. But don't give all of yourself away too easily and too soon either.  Leave room for them to get to know you, to wonder about you, to guess, to imagine.  No one likes people who play "hard to get", but no one likes an "easy to get" person either !  balance, moderation is key :D  Just be yourself, no games, no motives !

The dating phrase is the evaluation period where we get personal !  After the first few weeks or months of the "honeymoon" period where everything is "wonderful" !  you will soon see and discover new things about the position/the person :D  Perhaps our job is nothing like the descriptions, some items were definitely left out.  The person you're interested in is actually not who you thought they would be.  You had your first blow out, your first disagreement.  Ugly skeletons are one by one slowly coming out of the closet.   Some will surprise you and some you're prepared for because you've been paying attentions to all the signs.  Take time to analyze and ask yourself  "Do you see/want them in your future ?"  Do you see them backing you up, partnering up with you or leaving you to fend for your self.  Don't make excuses, don't try to drown out your inner intuition, be honest.  You owe it to yourself that much.  If there're potentials, give it a shot and run away with it.  If there isn't, walk away before you get comfortable, then settle and will be that forever unhappy employee or unhappy wife/husband.


Lastly, you can always change job and yes, can change partner too, but to me, relationship is way way more important than a 9-5 job :-)  because it requires a lot more time and effort, heart and soul !  you can turn off work after you get home but you carry your love with you in your waking and in your sleeping.  A relationship that gone wrong can cause many heartaches, requires many bandages and a heck of time to heal from.  And time is an expensive EXPENSIVE commodity, know it's value and spend/invest it wisely !