Many storms before the calm

While cleaning out my closet I came across some old pictures and diaries ! Since our anniverary is coming up, I thought it would be nice to venture back in time. Wow, reading these diaries gave me such a bad headache ! I was full of DRAMA.  I sure wrote a lot though.  If I knew you back then, you can be sure you had a page or 2 in the book. I still write a lot now too !!! Some things don't change !

Here's a summary on my relationship with Collin ! it's really long but we were together for so long, this is the shortest I can sum up of our years long courtship !!!

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When Tracy first met Collin at church, she didn't know he was Mr. Right. She wasn't looking for Mr. Right. She was 10 years old. What does a kid know about the "right one" anyways at that age. She knew she didn't like him much though, from what she saw and heard about him.

Collin was full of attitude, very mouthy, a bully and a hyper kid, who, some how, always managed to get every other kid to listen to him.  They would participate in whatever silly games he came up with, or follow him where he goes and do whatever he does. He would pick on younger kids, stuff his mouth with food and play pranks on people. He was so bratty and Tracy disliked everything about him.

Tracy's family moved away, then a few years later, when they're both in high school, Tracy bumped into Collin at Johnny Zee's arcade. She found him less hyper, more calm, nicer, and looks better too. Although she did think his lips are too big for his head. Through the accidental meet up, they found out they have mututal friends. That summer they saw each other often and started to become friends.

One uneventful summer afternoon, Collin's friend, Flav, let Tracy in on a secret that Collin is interested in her. She wasn't sure how she felt about him. Despite her confident appearance, nobody knew that Tracy was actually a very insecure person who had many moments of low, and felt like she never fit in anywhere. Tracy also never had a real relationship, didn't know what it is about, didn't know what to do on a date, and had never kissed anyone. Being insecure, she was worried he might find out about the real Tracy so she just left it as that. She's not going to do anything about it. But with the friend keep on rooting for them, encouraging them to be brave and give it a shot, Collin and Tracy started to date.

It was all rosy for about a month, and then they go promising each other to be honest with each other at ALL.TIMES. It was the worst thing that ever happened. They fight practically every day, she would tell him what she doesn't like about him and he would tell her what he doesn't like about her.  She would tell him what to do.  He would tell her what to do. Honesty was so not the best policy.

Tracy felt that Collin was too tall for her and dresses too clean.  Collin thinks Tracy needs to wear less dark make up and needs to be less friendly to everyone she meets.

Tracy was naive, doesn't think about consequences and opinionated. Collin was too careful, over thinking everything and mr. know-it-all.

They tried to change each other and failed every time and each time their frustration level turned up a notch.

Tracy also spent countless hours crying because she was unsure if Collin still likes her or finds her attractive. Collin was going out of his mind reassuring Tracy everything is fine and that he still likes her much.

Then Tracy broke up with Collin because she was afraid he would break if off with her first. She's too prideful to let that happen.

Then Tracy asked Collin to take her back. And he did.

She then broke up with him again because she thinks he's a spoiled brat and cheap. Then they would get back together.  He's not cheap, just poor student with little money, working part time at Pizza Hut.  He's also not spoiled either.  Just a misconception.

There were so many things about Tracy that Collin doesn't like. There were so many things about Collin that Tracy doesn't like. So they broke up many times, but time and time again they found themselves back together. They realized they like each other very much despite all their imperfections.   They enjoyed each other's company and loved to talk to each other.  Their longest phone conversation was somewhere around 14 hours. 

There were more storms than sunshines at the beginning of Collin and Tracy's whirlwind courtship. But they kept hanging on, holding tight onto the commitment they've made to each other > to try their best to make things work and always keep the communication channel going.  Sometimes the future looks dim. They prayed a lot for their future.

As the days and months passed, instead of focusing on unpractical expectations, each other's outward appearance, and unrealistic ideas they filled their head with, they focused on getting to know the person, who Tracy and Collin really is.  They learned of each other's thoughts, hopes and dreams. What excites them, what makes them sad, what they hate most. What makes them laugh, cry and what they want in life. They grow together through their bumpy teenage stage and came out in one piece after, together, as expected.

From liking each other's as a person, they then falled in love with each other.  In their time spent together, their bond became tigher, they became a team and focused on the same life and faith goals.  They agreed that God has to be the center of their relationship, as He has been there for them supporting them from the gecko. He was the one that brought them together, closer and helped them bring out the best in each other. They both each have grown into the person that the other are proud to call their life partner.

And that "honesty" policy they had at the beginning of the relationship, though at times they thought was the worse idea, was actually a great idea.  It just needs to be done at a right time.  Despite the wrong timing, they kept it going and shared with each other often what's in their heart and mind.  They believe that by being honest with each other, they're keeping each other in check, accountable, and that if there's issue to work out, it can be done right away.  No bottled up feeling, anger or hurt was allowed.

They rarely argue now that they've confronted all the issues earlier on the relationship. However Collin and Tracy still disagree on a lot of things!  Simply because they are different people with different views.  Their differences add dynamic to their relationship, makes it better. It's quite fun not to think alike all the time.  They bounced ideas of each other and learned much from the other.  What was important is they shared the same life goals and agreed on the major things in life, like God and family. And they knew from experience it's the major things that count, that mattered, not the small stuff.

They were on a good track. After graduation from high school, Collin was thinking of becoming an auto mechanic and Tracy was thinking of becoming an accountant. They weren't really sure what they want to do, and weren't ambitious people.  They pray continously for God to help them find a career that they would enjoy.  They pray to make just enough, so they can save enough to get marry, to start spending their life together.

What they both didn't know was the LORD has a completely different plan for both of them, now that they're ready for marriage. And His plans were perfect and good.