Great Expectation

Our church small group is on chapter 13 of the book Revelation.  Contrary to what is known to many, Revelation is not about predicting what's to come but rather an unveiling of many things that already happened. 

Revelation reveals that we're always living in an end time - to me I always think that anyways because we never know when our last day is, yeah, unfortunately, unless we decide take our own lives which I do not recommend :D  So what's the Great Expectation ?  His return and that's all because everything else happened already !!!  There's no clue, no calendar to check.  Just stay faithful and live the life you're called to live.

Tonight, after our many many off topic discussions and laughers, we managed to fit in some solid bible study.  Rather than us just sitting there and listen to what he has to say, Jeremy would throw out questions, getting all of us involve in examining the passage !  I found this to really help motivate us - whom are like eager surgeons - carefully disecting the verse in all possible ways, exploring every nooks and cranies, sharing our findings on what we think the writer is saying.  I especially like this chapter because I've always been curious about the End Time stuff.  What's up with all the Seals, the Lion, the Witnesses, the Dragon, who's the woman ?  what's with the crowns ???  Revelation once was a difficult book to read but not anymore !!!  We would go through each verse line by line, digging deep to look for metraphor or juxtaposition, search for previous references of it in other books (of course our pastor did the load of the work for us !) and all the while going ooohs and aaahhhs because our "eyes" are unveiled to something new.

Somewhere in the mid of the chapter, Kaila rubbed her eyes, her cue to let me know that she's sleepy. I took her to bed and while rocking her, I ache to be out there were the laughter and animated voices are.  I want to hear what the verse is referring to, what does it mean, what are they laughing about, what I'm missing out.  Any why isn't Kaila asleep ?  she's an easy sleeper who's usually out within 2 min..  I ran my fingers across the forehead and down her nose to make her sleepy.  She would close her eyes then open them wide again when I stop.  After a few times it dawned to me that my zealous heart is beating so fast it's keeping her up.  I smile and calm myself down, breathe and exhale slowly.  And next thing I know, she's out like a rock !

I really enjoy small group.  I learn so much from it and it's a great place to connect with other fellow church goers.  If you want to learn and dig deep into the bible, I highly recommend you to check out a small/cell group.

To my husband on Father's day

Dear love,

I remember seeing your face when our baby was born.  You were so proud and amazed when you saw her.  I know how you feel, we were the luckiest people in the world to be parents to this precious girl.  While I was in and out of sleep from exhausion after giving birth, thank you for tending to Kaila, holding her, changing her, comforting her and checking on her when she's asleep.  I know you didn't sleep at all and finally after days of not sleep, your body can't handle it no more and have to get some eyes shut.  I know you weren't really sleeping because you would ask me every so often with restless voice "how's Kaila?"

I love seeing you hug and kiss her before heading off the work or when you first come home, all the while she's wiggling out of your embrace (your facial hair tickles her).  You have a great gift at entertaining her !  your singing, rapping (we both agreed it's not your strongest gift :-) and your made-up story endings !  I know our time with her are precious.  I agreed that it sucks doing errands on weeknight.  Everytime you have to do it, I can hear your footsteps rushing up the stairs, hoping she's not asleep so you can spend some time with her.  Sorry, I can't keep her awake a bit longer !  you know how much she likes her beauty sleep. 

You know, one of my most favourite time of the week is Saturday morning. When you and Kaila play away on the piano.  Then somewhere after a few songs she would slide off your lap and goes to the guitar, running her fingers through the strings.  She inherited that from you, pretty soon she would want to play all sorts of instruments.  I pray she's like you not just in her love for music but I hope she will have your confident, your strength, your jack of all trades abilities from fixing up the house to cars to planting a garden to sew the button on your shirt, and most of all, I hope she will look up to you and have the same uncompromised faith in the Lord.  I'm so thankful for you ! 

On this special day, on behalf of Kaila, thank you for being such a wondeful father to her.  I'm very proud to be your wifey !

Sweetest thing

The weather is still very cool for June.  This time last year I was out at the beach BBQing and tanning, soaking in a lot of sun.  It's rare to see those golden ray of lights nowaday.  My collection of cardis have seen daylight time than ever before. 

Collin called at lunch to talk.  I realized we talked almost everyday during lunch since we got first job, over 10 years ago.  Our conversation is pretty much the same everyday but he calls everyday, whether I was home or at work.  Today I was a bit busy when he called so I was half listening half working.  He told me about a small group meeting we had a while back, when Jeremy talked about relationships and said how we all, if we're honest with ourselves, have at least once give thought about what it's like to be with someone else.  I told Collin "yup, everyone does" as I respond to some work emails (I'm multitasking queen) and wait for him to tell me his "someone", Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie, someone at Starbucks, etc.  Collin said to me "you know, I sat here trying to think about it and I never thought of wanting to be with anyone else.  It just never crossed my mind.  I was crazy about you in highschool and all I want to be is with you".  I didn't know what to say to him.  I got teary though.  I told him I'm sorry I had a crush on Gerald Butler's character on Dear Frankie and PS. I love you (not so much on 300).  We laughed about it then say our goodbyes.  After I hung up, I stop what I was doing to let it fully soak in what my husband just said to me.  He's pretty cool. 

Strip or no Strip !

My husband and I are both old souls !  People who meet us for the first time would never guessed it but we're quite traditional.  We know it and we've come to accept this about us. 

When a friend told me he's having his b-day party at a strip club I politely decline.  He didn't think much of it and didn't ask why, assuming I was busy.  Thing is, I never seen a stripper and I never would want to.  It's just not for me.  I'm that old school.  Whether it's men or women, I feel I devalue them when I view their body as object of entertainment or for self gratification.  The comment that it's a social thing or a "just for fun" doesn't fly with me.  But that's just me and no I don't see the need to apologize if I offended you.

My husband never been to a strip joint either.  I never asked him why, it's just it's something we both choose not to do on our own.  We never talk about it, never see the need to.  Until when we're in our mid 20s and friends one by one are getting married and guess where the stag/staggette took place ?  strip club !  that's when we started to share with each other how we feel about it !  Funny considering we're dated for so long and married for a while too.  I told him it's just a place I don't want to be in, it doesn't feel right.  He told me he feels it degrades women and he's disturbed to be in a place with a bunch of aroused men.  As a man, he told me, you cannot escape being turned on, it's how man are made.  Whether it's a naked woman on tv or on the stage, unless you're not at all interested in women, you will get aroused by it, no matter how many times you see it.  Men has to make that decission (to watch or not) by themselves.  It's something women can't understand.  For him, he doesn't want me have to go through that (knowing that he's being turned on by someone else) because those are special things we shared.  We left it as that.  I didn't care and think much of it then but as I get older, more mature and intune with myself as a woman, and now a mom of a girl, I'm very thankful for his consideration of me. 

A lot of people would disagreed with us and it's ok.  Everybody is different, every couple is different, every marriage has their own dynamics, and this is us.  We're in an open relationship where we're free to do everything we want but we choose not to do everything.  Everything is permissible but not everything is benneficial, not everything is constructive.  God gave us wisdom to choose how we want to live our life and this is our choice.  We try to live a life that is pleasing to God and to be strong role models for our children.

Being a mom, I pray Kaila will be headstrong and resist the pressure to be conformed to the environment around her.  I hope she will swim against the stream and not let the mass dictates the direction of her life.   I want her to be confident, to appreciate who she is, embrace her differences and above all, I want her to know and love God.  As I'm learning to be a parent, my goal is to love her with a tough love while proving to her that she can never loose my love.  But I know there will be areas where I will fail as a mom, I don't know everything, and will not do everything right, but I'm glad the Lord remains steadfast and true.  As long as Kaila know and trust in Him, I can rest knowing she's in good hands.

Missfit

I'm soon to be 32 !  It's a big number for me.  I never thought I would be affected by it but slowly the throughts creep in.  Do I dress age-appropriate ?   Should I start on a anti-wrinkle cream regimen ?  Do I act my age ?  I often feel the need to learn how carry out a "mature" conversation.  Not sure what it is but I should start paying attention.  I joke around way too much !  and laugh too much !  Ah, who am I kidding, I will never never be able to do that.  It's not me.  I like who I am and if I'm a 32 stuck at 25, so be it people, so be it !

Side note:  brought some coconut water from Urban Fare, expensive like hell and not all what it crack up to be.  Buy those young coconut (the actual fruit) from the asian market, it tastes way better and cheaper also.

Is "s3xting" cheating ?

Really ?  do we really have to ask ?  emotional betrayal is just as bad as physical.  Anytime you're doing something you don't want your spouse to know about is cheating !!!

As I watch the news about the scandalous s3xting and tweeting of congressman Anthony Weiner, I can only shake my head, another politician dabbing into extramarital affair.  Being a man in his position, I assume he educated and smart, which makes me wonder - being a public figure - what makes he think that this secret will never come out ???  especially over social media sites ????  What's wrong with him ?  this is the stupidest thing he can do to jepordize his marriage and his career.  And the fact that he didn't owe up to it - despite proof of pictures and list of messages - tarnishes his image even more.  It shows his characters. 

So I heard, apparently there are lots of people having affair on facebook !  Technology, being accessible at the tip of our finger, makes it easy to have virtual affair.  I guess being anonymous, hiding behind a screen name, and the excitement of doing it in secret > thrill people to be unfaithful to their spouse/boyfriend/girldfriend.  And what surprised me is some people argue that it's ok because it virtual, it's not "real" !!!!  who are you kidding ?  That is so sad.  What skew values and morals these people have.  Anytime you connect to a person romantically other than your spouse - online or in real life - constitute as cheating.  Online is emotional cheating !  If it's not cheating why wouldn't you show your partner the messages and images you sent out ? 

I took this from an online news "Technology can tap our deepest emotions, including sexual passion, even when our consciences dictate that we should resist. It is like virtual cocaine or Ecstasy—two recreational drugs that artificially lower the inhibitions of many users."  We are the only one who has control over our thoughts and actions.  If what you're about to do hurt your loved one, turn away.  By confronting the issues, bring them out to light, you have gained yourself self-respect while protecting your treasured relationship.

Buy what we don't need with money we don't have

'We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like"

I couldn't help but chuckle when I read this !  It rang so true for me - except for the money part because I don't have the gut to go into debt buying THINGS !!!  If I don't have a family and a mortgage, YES YES YES I would spend every dollar I make and will have outstanding balances on all of my credit cards. 

So what's up with that ?  the need to obtain fancy things that are overpriced to show off to people we don't know or care for ?  as shopaholic on the way to recovering  :)  I can tell you - IMAGE my friend, it's all about the IMAGE !  WHY ?  because many of us are insecure, have low self esteem, and we want people to envy us, we want to be above the norm (to make us feel better) ! it's the "elite" group we're aiming to have a membership with.  And for many of us girls, it's about the bag we carry on our arm.  We want to throw out designer names like we have them our whole lives.  When we get together with other girls we want to talk about Louis or Dolce, and some other names we barely can pronounced.   Sure our clothes can be off the sales rack but our handbag shall  not.  We're living for the NOW, isn't life about seize the moment ? And for some of us, that moment is about looking good right now and ... pay later !

Many of us female are ROMANTIC SHOPPER, meaning we care more about emotional satisfaction and appeal .  And luxury handbag gives us that "warm fuzzy special feeling" when other girls to stare at our bag and envy how nice it sit on the crook of our arm or over our shoulder.  Simply put, girls want to look good for other girls.   There's that natural competitiveness in all women, many of us do it subconsciously while there are those who set out to conquer, to get all the attentions.  It seems like many of us are suffering with the case of not-measuring-up and not-good enough.  BUT to who ?  and to what standards ?  MTV ?  Gossip Girls ???  what ???????????? 

The Transunion websited stated that the average Canadian debt  is around $26 000 per person !  TWENTY SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS sans mortgage.  That is a scary number don't you agreed ?  Sure freaks me out.  I just hope those people has job to pay it back or else they will have to go on income assistant and before we know it, our taxes will be increased to help them !

Owning designer items in itself is not a bad thing.  I do appreciate the quality and craftmanship of them.  I think it's the intention of acquiring it is something you should concern yourself with.  If you don't have the discretionary income, it doesn't make sense at all to go into debt for the "bling", no matter how nice it is or how good it makes you feel !  It's not smart to take out your saving or working longer hours (sacrifice time to rest, time for family/friends) for them.  You need to dig down deep to see what the issue is.  What are you buying to covering up ?  insecurity ?  emptiness ?  lack of confident ?  anger ?  the need to feel important ?  need to be in the "in" crowd ?  At the end of the day, we're responsible for our action, and in this case, we are the one paying the bill !

Say, if you do have money to blow, share the wealth !  there are many who are less fortunate that just hope to have have full stomach at the end of each day.  When you're blessed with money it's meant for you to help others.  Blessings are meant to flow so pass it on !

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