What cha looking for ? mate ?

A week ago my pastor was sharing about Godly Marriage.  It was a very interesting sermon for many of our church goers since only few are married while many are single or at the dating stage.  But because the sermon focuses on the characters of man and women - which we all can relate !  we were given some insights into each others' world. 

Notes I took on this topic:

What is a marriage:  Union of two people becoming one

> A friend once told me how her husband and her divide up everything.  What is his is his and her is hers.  They buy their own electronics, pieces of furniture that they like, divide up their weekly grocery bill, dinner recipe, etc.  They were a couple outside but inside they're like 2 roomates living together.  Needless to say, they ended up in a divorce.  She's now happily re-married and in a real marriage this time, where they not only sharing their life together, but everything else, and working towards common goals.  Marriage works when two people agreed to let the other person be a part of their life.  When you get married, everything you do affects the other person and vice versa.  If you're not considerate, not willing to sacrifice, and still have the "it's my life" mentality, it won't work !

Four qualities a marriage need to have:

- Commitment (permanent promise to each other)
- Accomodation (willingnes to help, pitch in)
- Self sacrifice (lay aside personal desire for the sake of the other)
- Forgiveness (marriage is impossible without forgiveness, when we forgive is when we're most like God)

Understanding your mate:

Men are:  linear thinker (speak what they're thinking), goal oriented, focused
Men need:  work/job and rest from it
Men need in a spouse:  a partner, someone to participate in the goal of their life, share adventure with
Danger from a spouse:  ridicule his goal, wants to CHANGE them (yeah, women often wants to do this !)
> I always tell my girlfriends "don't settle" and most importantly, don't marry a person hoping to change them ! That's the worse thing you can do.  You should marry a person for their qualities, their values, and their potentials. 

Women are:  multi tasker, into details, like to network, nesting, care about feeling, don't share what they really think
Women need:  feeling secure
Women need in a spouse:  someone who cherish and value them, someone they know they cannot loose their love
Danger from a spouse:  making her feel unimportant, neglected

-- Real love is always a matter of CHOICE.  Love and emotions come and go.  You have to choose everyday to stay committed.  Our heart doesn't stop to love but we choose to be exclusive to that one person.

-- In a committed relationship, you will become an expert in loving your partner that only you know how. Our culture said that to love many is to be a great lover but to love ONE person for a long time is what really make us a great lover.

Men cheat physically and women emotionally - both are equally destructive


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Marriage is hard work as is, it's even harder if you're a Christian and your partner isn't. I have seen many uneven "yoking" marriages around me fall apart and it's always devastating to learn that things are not working out because of their differences.

What some Christian aren't aware of is that when you followed Christ, you're life is constantly changing as your relationship with Him deepen.  It takes another Christian to understand and support you on this faith journey.  If your partner isn't a Christian this is when issues will arise - biggest problem to start with is tithing.  They won't understand why you're giving money away each month.  Then it comes to, why do I have to attend church on sunday ? you go since it's your religion".  When you have kids, more issues will come in the form of, do we raise our kids and christian or not, do I take them to church on Sunday, do we pray before we eat, do we pray when things are going bad ?  It's hard for a marriage to reach it's fulll potentials when your goals are different, when you're pulling in different directions.

Marriage is not always happy go lucky !  it's a garden that needs constant work and weeding.  It's hard work but the results are wonderfully satisfying.  As a Christian we trust that the Lord is watching over us and is leading us to where we need to be.  When things go sour and the road isn't that easy to travel on, Jesus is there to comfort and walk through it with us.  Having a Christian partner makes that all a bit easy to take each step on that road.  They will be the physical present that God use to comfort us as we pray together and lean on each other for encouragement and strength.  It's hard to trust that God has control of things if our partner doesn't want be on that same boat as us.  Issues will arise and unless one give in (you denied your Christian faith or they become a Christian), it will be hard for your marriage to be what you both hope it to be.

I think it's very important for married couple to do all they can to defend and protect their marriage.  You're a team now, it's you two against the world.  Built walls around your marriage and don't share your secrets !  People who knows me know I'm a very open person, I don't like lying and hiding things about me.  I'm ME all the time.  But despite my openess about my life as an individual, my marriage is another story !  my husband and I have many many many secrets that only us two know.  I love it because it's another exclusive thing we have with each other.  Collin is not only my husband but also my best friend, whom I share all my deepest thoughts with.  And it's nobody's business to ever tread into this sacred ground ! 

Another thing I think is important is > surround yourself with friends who support your marriage.  Friends who love you and the person you choose to love. Who, when you're in doubt, will remind you how much the other person loves you.  There's nothing worse than a friend who nit pick at your marriage and making disencouraging comments.  A friend loves and happy for you at all time !  They want to see you succeed in life, in attaining your goals, in your marriage, and in your family.